Lately, I've been thinking about mentoring. I moderate the mentoring program at our firm and from time to time give presentations to other groups on the "Nuts and Bolts of Mentoring" which includes a case study of the successful program that our firm enjoys. I recently submitted that presentation for a "Call for Presentations" to a large convention of architects in Virginia. As I was filling out the application, I realized that I probably needed to add some content. The current presentation is about 45 minutes with Q&A and I need it to be over one hour long for this particular convention. I found myself thinking about two important mentors in my life, which might add some fuel to the presentation.
I began my career working for a small firm in Jackson, MS. Like most recent graduates, I was terrified of my employers, mostly because they were rarely in the office and I simply did not know them very well. I was immediately assigned to work closely with one of the two partners of the firm, so I was able to get to know him fairly quickly and get over my fear. The other partner, was more difficult to approach, mostly because of his appearance. He is tall, slender, wears tailored suits almost exclusively, slicks his hair straight back and wears round glasses that partially obstruct his pupils. He rarely smiles and has a sarcastic sense of humor. He can be very intimidating, but once you get to know him, he's not intimidating at all and is quite engaging and personable.
After I had been with the firm for about a year and a half, I began working on a project with the other partner, Skip. The project was about a 2-1/2 hour drive away from the office. The meetings were scheduled at 9:00 AM meaning we left the office around 6:00 AM. That first car trip, I learned a lot about Skip and we never talked architecture the entire drive up. Across the next several months, he became one of my first and strongest mentors. I learned much from him about life, architecture and business, some of which I find myself teaching young people in our office today. One lesson in particular was when I was asked if we worked together. I responded that I work for Skip. Skip stopped what he was doing, looked at me, and then said to the person who posed the question, "no, we work together." I've never forgotten that lesson and try to pattern my own career and interaction with folks at our office in the same manner. Architecture is a group effort and when one personality dominates that effort, it is more difficult to reach the goal.
The hardest decision I have made in my career was the decision to leave his firm and move to Baltimore, MD. That move occurred in 1999 and though Skip and I have spoken on the phone a few times across the years, I had not seen him since 1999. A mutual friend let me know Skip was coming to Baltimore, so I reached out to him and we had dinner this past Monday evening. It was as if I had last seen him last week. We talked shop, we talked kids and grandkids, we talked about sports and scouting. It was a delightful evening and one I won't soon forget. As always, he picked up the check without even a thought to let me help. What struck me most about this encounter was the timelessness of it. It had been years since I had seen my mentor but we fell right back into an easy conversation and the learning continued. Part of that was due to the friendship that we built in addition to the mentor-protege relationship we had built.
About the same time last week that I was contacting Skip, I was asked to write a Letter of Endorsement for another mentor of mine for her nomination for Fellowship in CSI. I am honored to do so and quickly agreed to write the letter. The interesting thing about this mentor relationship is that it started when I was 40 years old! You are never too old to learn and never to old to have a mentor. She and I worked on a CSI committee for three years while she was chair and I am now chair of that same committee. When we started in FY2010, it was my first experience on a national committee. I had been a member of a large task team, but never a working committee. My mentor showed me how to organize myself, plot the work of the committee and encourage the other members to participate. She essentially showed me how to be a good leader. I have now found that it is easier said than done to write a letter about someone who has meant so much to me.
From this mentorship lesson, I've taken away the need to pay it forward. That line has become almost a cliche in our society but I wholeheartedly believe in it. We all have been blessed with something: intelligence, work ethic, design ability, people skills, leadership skills, whatever. However, God-given talents only takes you so far. Education, experience and hard work are required to hone those talents into skills. Part of that education usually comes through relationships with one or more mentors. I was a passable leader at the chapter level. I didn't do so well at the Region level and without my mentor, I would have failed at the national level. However, by watching, listening and learning from her as well as having a constant dialogue and brain-storming of ideas with her, I was ready to assume the chair of that committee this past July. I am already trying to figure out who is the next chair of this committee and how I can help them become my replacement and help put them in a position to succeed, just as I was placed in a position to succeed.
When I returned home after the dinner with my mentor, my daughter asked who I had dinner with. I told her it was my version of her drama teacher at high school. She nodded thoughtfully and recognized the parallel. Her teacher is her friend, her educator, her advocate and her mentor. The teacher sees herself in my daughter and desires nothing more than for my daughter to succeed. Similarly, when a Boy Scout earns his Eagle Badge, the highest honor a Boy Scout can earn, he is presented with three lapel pins: one for his mother, one for his father and one for his Eagle Coach, his mentor. It is a touching part of the ceremony because this person is typically not a blood relative, but merely someone else in the boy's life who made a difference. The recipient of the coach pin is a decision made solely by the Eagle Scout.
Who in your life was your strongest mentor? I suspect if you are highly successful, there may be more than one. I have more than these two, but these two made a huge difference in my life and my career. Now, let's turn the tables: who in your day-to-day work is your protege? If you do not have one, why not? If you have one, or more than one, think about this: are you doing everything that you can to put that person in a position to succeed?
